My Only Desire is the Pursuit of Perfection

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I choose to live the life I have always imagined!

I am in pursuit of that dream, that goal which always lies just outside of my grasp, but keeps me in wanting everyday. I desire to achieve perfection, even though I know it is unattainable. There is only one man who was perfect, his name was Jesus. No there were never any men like him, and there will never be another like him again.. But it is my goal, it is my heart’s desire to walk as closely as I can with God every day of my life. He is my rock, my support, he is the blood that keeps me alive. He has changed me, in him I am a new man, in him I become a pure spirit. He has given me dreams of this life that I never could have considered achieving on my own. Goals and objectives that are so beyond what I know to be within my power… but it’s because he wants to show the world how great his own power is.

How mighty the hand of God.

The life he has given me I am so grateful for! I am a Stanford student athlete, football player at that. Been to two Rose Bowls and I know that my team is only in store for more greatness. I have a beautiful girlfriend and a loving family and support from my community all the way across the country.

I envision myself in the future, ten, twenty years from now and wonder what kind of man I will become. How will the things I learn today affect who I am in the future. I’m still trying to figure out who I really am now, I have bits and pieces but the full picture hasn’t come together yet, I’m afraid sometimes that it never will.

I want to play football, I want to be a “rockstar”, who wouldn’t? You’re on a huge stage where millions of people watch you every weekend, and when we are in the offseason fans are still constantly anxious for whenever the games come back on television again. For many people their greatest entertainment of the year is football season. I don’t know what it is or why people go crazy over it, but I’m just happy that I get to be the one down on the field. All eyes are on me, my team. Every action I make, someone is watching. The pressure is on but I love it, I soak it in because it is what I live for- to be placed in high pressure situations because that is when I have the opportunity to bring out the best of me. When I am challenged on the field, a flip switches in my brain that makes me want to dominate my opponent, to humiliate him and show him that he doesn’t stand a chance against me. The guys with the big egos are the most fun, because they really believe that they are great and that they can challenge me…and so I laugh when they step on the field and line up inches away from me. Their smirk wipes away when they look into my eyes and see what lies within me. They fear it, they can’t explain it, they fear me because they know that I have limitless capabilities. The gifts that I have been given are incredible. But they always tend to look over my most precious weapon I use against them. Physically I can outmatch them, that is obvious, but what is not so easy to recognize is my mind, my mental toughness, my drive and my passion for being the absolute best that I can be. I know that I will never be perfect, and that pisses me off… but it also gives me the desire to pursue perfection as best I can, to get as close to it as possible.

Putting on my cleats and stepping out onto the field brings me to peace within myself. Football is a part of who I am, it is life. There I find my balance on the edge. No technological distractions, no cell phone or people asking you questions or sitting down taking a test… it’s just me and the grass, nature, which I love.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”

Jeremiah 29:11

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Birth of a Princess

Today marks the day a princess was born, nineteen years ago. In a magical kingdom, far far away, a little girl named Ariana Blake Alston was born. She was happy, and her life was filled with joy! She lived with her sisters and her family in her beautiful home in Virginia. Until one day, she met a silly boy named Alex. He was weird, but he was nice to her, she liked him. And soon they became love birds.

Love birds <3

Love birds ❤

It was love at first sight, and ever since that fateful day, they began to write a story together that will forever be remembered in history. Today is your birthday, and I keep thinking of different ways to show my appreciation for you. I struggle to try and find a way to express to the overflowing love that I have for you, Ari. As you know, I’m terrible with gift giving, I’m always forgetful with my card sending, and…well there’s really just no excuse for that. It’s just that I’m too lazy to ride my bike all the way over to CVS right across the street from campus so that I can buy a card and stamps and…..I’m sorry. But I guess at least I could still give you a note, a piece of writing in my own words coming from my heart.

How do I find the words to begin writing this….

You are the sole inspiration in my life!

I guess we’ll start there. This is who you are to me. All of the dreams that I have in this life are built around you. Plans for us, and for a wonderful future. To one day be married and have kids, hopefully a lot. We’ll have a family. But that day will come down the road. Right now I want to get to know you. I want to know what makes you happy, what makes you sad, what makes you smile, what makes you laugh. I want to be the one who comforts you when you have bad days, I want to be the one you chose to go on an adventure with when you’re at your happiest. I guess, above all, I really just want to be the one you love the most. Your love is the most meaningful thing to me in this world..nothing else really even matters. Your smile fills my stomach with butterflies and a fire ignites in my heart when I hear your uncontrollable laughter.

You are life, Ariana. That’s the best way I can describe you at this moment, life. You inspire me to be alive and to want to try different things and to explore the world around me. Because of you I aspire to be the best man I can possibly be in hopes that you will be proud of me and the things that I am able to accomplish. My dreams are built around yours…because ultimately I desire to be the man of your dreams, I wish to make you the happiest woman alive. To fill you with love and to constantly let you know how much I adore you. I’m not the best gift giver and I forget to send you flowers on Valentine’s day [i know, i’m a terrible human being] but I hope that through my writing you can still feel just a little bit of how much I care about you. You mean the world to me, I hope you know that. Literally, the world.

Love me like beauty & the beast.

Love me like beauty loved the beast.

I don’t want to make this too long, even though I could honestly probably go on for days talking about you and everything you mean to me, but I still want to get my point across clearly… which is a lot harder than it seems, expressing my thoughts, but I will try my best for now! I don’t have a lot of money , I can’t afford a lot of fancy dinner dates and afford to buy you really nice gifts all the time, all I have to give you right now is my heart, my love. You make me happy, so so happy. I thank God that he gave me you so that I do not have to feel like I am in this world alone. I know that I will always have you by my side, I know that we will make it through whatever life brings together. I know that you are my strength, my inspiration in this life.

We’re still young baby, still in our teenage years. But even so, we have been together for over (365 x 2) days now. And what I have learned is that now I am only really beginning to get to know you, that there is so much more to learn about your beautiful spirit!  That we have so much time to grow and live life together! You are an adventurous soul, and so I am. This life is crazy and it’s a mess and I’ve realized that no one really knows what is going on or why we are here. But I’m okay knowing that as long as I’m with you, I don’t really have anything to worry about, with you things make sense again. Together we will find purpose in this life, together we will go on an adventure throughout the world! We will go to a thousand different places and visit every tropical island on the map! We’ll travel to Spain, and Australia, Paris, Italy, Japan, Africa. We’ll go everywhere together, and at the same time we’ll go nowhere together.

Because when I am with you, the world stops moving. Time stops. All of my worries and insecurities leave me, I am finally at peace.

I become whole once more.

You hold the key to my heart, I hope you already know this.

But even so, I will tell you again every day so that you will never forget.

I am always with you.

And I will always love you.

And we will always be together, I promise baby girl.

Love with all your heart,

Your knight in shining armor.

Alex ❤

Every king needs his queen, will you be mine?

Every king needs his queen, will you be mine?

Happy birthday my love!

World Domination

Isn’t this every man’s goal? To achieve what the great kings and conquerors of our past have achieved to some degree..world domination? Alexander the Great conquered and ruled the entire Ottoman empire. When looking at heroes of our time today, role models to look up to, don’t all men desire to be Kings? They chase power, and money, and wealth, beautiful women and cars, hoping that all of these material objects will make them kings of this world, and to an extent they are. They become the elite, the economically wealthy.

But then what happens when you finally do it? What happens when you finally climb the social ladder and make it to the top of the world with all the money you could ever desire? Do you then find happiness? Of course! Money, cars, and clothes! Vacations every month, you own at least three cars, two houses, and even made it on the cover of Time’s Magazine one time. Congratulations, you made it to the top.

What now?

You sit in your home at age 40 after having made your millions and lived your fanciful young life, staring at the wall in your office wondering…what do I do with my life now? You realize that the things you thought would make you happy and fulfill your life are in fact empty and material objects, and you desire something more for your life.

You feel the emptiness in your soul.

You desire to understand the meaning of your life. You crave for a sense of true purpose, a reason to live.

You explore different religions to see what all the talk is about, but then you begin to realize for yourself that there is really only one true way to enter the kingdom of heaven, and that the path is narrow.

 


 

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.” -Matthew 7:21 


 

I’ll conclude by saying that the world has already been conquered, long ago, that there is only one true king. There is only one who wears the crown, and he is not of this world. He reigns from above and we are all his children, whether you believe it or not. God is King of the universe, Christ is King of the world. Me? I’m just a King in my own head. But not because I have money or cars or a beautiful girlfriend (okay, maybe because I have a beautiful girlfriend) but because I know that I have been saved by the true King! And that his spirit lives in me!


“Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. They are a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck.” Provers. 1:8-9

 

 

 

Rebirth

I have no friends. No that’s not true, I have some friends, but not many. I know a lot of people, but not a lot of people know me. Very rarely do I encounter people in my life that I can open up to and tell my story, though I desire so badly to tell SOMEONE. So I’ve turned to this, I’ve turned to starting a blog where I can reveal my identity to anyone, and everyone. I can empty my mind and allow my thoughts to flow freely here. A journal, I guess you could say. This is my outlet for now. It will probably only be temporary, but I will share as much of my story as I can in the time being. Alright, that’s it for now, stay tuned in.